A New Day

After the recent rejection of President Bush's NSA wire-tapping bill, some conservatives (and liberals alike) are asking, "What's going on?"  A Michigan judge ruled the bill "unconstitutional and invasive". Unconstitutional? Probably. Invasive? Absolutely. We are living in trecherous times, one in which terrorists claw and scratch, trying to make some parts of the world a living hell (and doing an excellent job).  London bombings,  Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building,  World Trade Center (x2), Madrid bombings, constant attacks in Isreal, and hundreds
more terrorist attacks have been committed in last decade alone. What are we, as the strongest, most technologically-capable powerhouse in the world doing about it? Very little. Our own courts won't let us. The times have changed since 1787. It is a new day, one that may not adhere to the constitution, but certainly does not oppose the core of it's message: defend the American people at all costs.

Now, on to another topic. I get a kick out the radical left-wing democrats who seem to oppose Bush on anything and everything, even profiling. Our President isn't perfect, but this time he's right on the money. Profiling is an absolute must. We cannot continue on this anti-terrorist bit without it. I wish it could stop there...oh, how I wish. But it doesn't. There's always some super-political nut looking for his five minutes of fame, calling Bush's Terror Profiling, "Racial" Profiling. 
It's not racial profiling! Most of the recent terror activities have been perpetuated by young Muslim men. So, what do we do? We check young Muslim men with more scrutiny than the 80 year old women in a motorized carts. It just makes sense. So, let's drop the racism bit, and focus on the problem. I believe that most Muslim-Americans feel the way I do. They understand that some of their co-religionists are remorseless killers. But obviously not all Muslims think that way, and certainly the ACLU and other far-left groups oppose profiling. They fight hard against most strategies designed to make terror attacks more difficult. Except, of course, when it involves them.

Here's what it all comes down to: Some American's live in the real world, and some live in Never Never Land. Those who live in this theoretical zone believe all problems can be solved if only we talked things over with those who want to kill us. For those people, actions like profiling, unilateral military campaigns, and tough interrogation methods are simply too drastic. Looking back, the actions of Presidents Clinton and Bush in his first year pretty much ignored the growing terror threat from the Muslim world. Little aggressive action was taken against al Qaeda when it blew up our Embassies in Africa and attacked our battleship off the coast of Yemen. On September 11th, there was no airline profiling when 19 Muslim murderers boarded 
three planes, all with their one-way tickets to hell. Had we been wiser, many would still be alive today. But we were not wise then, and are not wise now. Say what you will, but lay off Granny at the airport and zero in on higer risk subjects.

For You. I Miss You.

Another summer day

Has come and gone away

In Paris and Rome

But I wanna go home

Mmmmmmmm



Maybe surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel alone

I just wanna go home

Oh I miss you, you know



And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you

Each one a line or two

“I’m fine baby, how are you?”

Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that



Another aeroplane

Another sunny place

I’m lucky I know

But I wanna go home

Mmmm, I’ve got to go home



Let me go home

I’m just too far from where you are

I wanna come home



And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life

It’s like I just stepped outside

When everything was going right

And I know just why you could not

Come along with me

That this is not your dream

But you always believed in me



Another winter day has come

And gone away

In even Paris and Rome

And I wanna go home

Let me go home



And I’m surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel alone

Oh, let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know



Let me go home

I’ve had my run

Baby, I’m done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It will all be all right

I’ll be home tonight

I’m coming back home

 

Why Men Say Stupid Things.

7/31/06

When Men Say Stupid Things.

Men say some really stupid things. They are profoundly dumb blunders. Profound dumb blunders should be saved for the proper company of accomplished blunder makers where the syntactical stumble can be properly savored in intellectual mastication. In other words, save them for the guys who will think you're cool. Women, on the other hand, consider profound oral blunders indicative of low-level intelligence (that is why it is often best not to talk much.) If you have trouble understanding what I just said, don’t fret…just don’t repeat any of the following to any female.

• "Did your clothes shrink?"
• “Why’s your hair like that? Will it stay that way?”
• “BEEELLLLLLCHCHCHCH!”
• "Birthday? What birthday?"
• "Hey look! There's my old girlfriend. Let's go talk to her."
• "I was thinking about you yesterday when I was gutting that big fat fish I caught out on the lake."
• "Man, did I see the most radical road kill in my entire life yesterday. There was this huge skunk on the toll road and..."

When you speak to a woman you must be careful, considerate, kind, gentle, and have her interests as a priority in your life. This does not mean saying something stupid about her hair after she gets back from having it cut, permed, primped, styled, and fixed. After all, why is she doing this? So she will look good for you! So, don't say, while scratching your head and squinting your face, "Uh, yea, I, uh, like what they did to your hair." With that intellectually void linguistic goof, you will set her affections back a year. And for what, opening your mouth and giving an opinion (not fair, I know).

What you need to do is rehearse in your mind the proper things to say to a woman. For example, you say, even though her hair looks like rats are nesting in it, "I noticed you had your hair done."

And here's another thing. You don't say, "I like your dress." You say, "You make that dress look great." You see, it is polite to account her attractiveness to her and not the dress. The proper sentence is "You make that dress look great," not, "Now, you finally look good since you got some decent clothes." The first sentence is gentlemanly, the second is geeky and can get you smacked in the arm or even suffer "the dreaded look"! ...shudder...

And don't forget about a girl's weight. They are fanatical about it. Basically, you can't say anything good, ever, when you have a sentence with the word "weight" in it. The twitch of an eye can get you killed. You can rest assured it will kick in with full force as soon as weight becomes even a hint of an issue. For example, after she has gone shopping and is modeling a new pair of pants for you, consider the harmful side-effects of saying anyone of the following sentences:



*Sentence one, "Your weight is fine," you say considerately.

"My weight is fine? Why did you say that? What's wrong? Am I getting fat? Ooooh, you are so mean!"



*Sentence two, "It's a good thing you're not putting on weight."

"What? What? Am I too fat? You don't like me the way I am? Is that it?"



*Sentence three, "Now wait a minute, I've never seen a pair of pants quite like that."

"What do you mean weight? Oh I just knew these pants made me look fat. You couldn't even be nice and not say anything. Why are men so insensitive?!"

So what can we, as men, do about this conundrum? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I like to simply stare blankly back at her at various questions she asks. I don't do anything. I just stare and don't move. She'll think you're weird, but that's okay.

Women. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.

Why do girls go to the bathroom in groups?

I don't get it. When one girl says, "I need to use the ladies room," four or five others get up and join her and hurry off like a bunch of cats. There could be four couples at a restaurant all enjoying a good meal and one girl says she's going to freshen up and that's it, they’re gone. Why do they do that? Furthermore, what do they all do in the bathroom? Do they need three hands to flush a toilet? Are they afraid to be in there alone?

The only rational explanation is that they talk about guys. That has to be it. There isn't any other logical reason. They go in there and gossip. They say things like, "Isn't he cute?", giggle, giggle, giggle. "Can you believe what Ben said, I was so embarrassed," giggle, giggle, giggle. "Joe has a nice car." "I like his tight butt." "I just love his biceps." The list goes on. I guess a bathroom is a safe haven for women. It’s their own little world where they can say things they wouldn't dare say in front of men or normal people. I say we bug the bathrooms.

Why are some girls always late?

Have you ever noticed the time differential between men and women? Let me illustrate. I am at my girfriend’s house and I say, “Let's go to the movies.” She says, "Okay, sounds great." I stand up and instantly am ready to go. She heads toward the bathroom and says, "I'll be just a minute."

Did you hear what she said? "Just a minute"? Not on my life. After she says that exaggerated statement of incredulity, the only thing I can do is to sit down, turn on the T.V., and watch a football game…or three. About the time the tide comes in again, she'll come prancing out of the bathroom and say, "Ready." Of course, by then I’m ready to snooze. Dribble is slowing leaking out of my mouth as I am about to drop off into la la land and snooze a few. I offer a confused stare and say, "Huh? Ready for what?"

Now, this isn't because I’m dumb, or even playing dumb, it is because I forget where we were going. So what happens? She gets upset with me for forgetting what you were going to do. Now is that fair? No, it’s not. Especially after it was her fault.

What this whole thing proves, and we know it is true, is that girls have a different concept of time than guys. When guys say 10 minutes they mean ten minutes, 600 seconds. What a girl means is 10 minutes, plus or minus twenty.

The suspicious thing about this phenomenon is that when you tell a girl you'll call her in two days, to her it seems like two weeks. But, if you're a geek then the two days seems like two minutes. To a guy, two days is two days, and that's it. When it comes to that time, you better interpret according to girl time, not guy time. That means if you want to be somewhere by noon, tell her you need to be there at eight o'clock in the morning. That should work out just fine.

Why do girls like to shop?

Shopping is fun; I can see that. It’s cool buying a stereo or a cinna-bon. We know what we want. We go into the store and say, "I'll take THAT t.v. right there." Its kind of like conquering. Men like to conquer. They conquer by running the bases, making touch downs, making more money...and buying something in three minutes or less.

Girls, on the other hand, will circle, close in, back off, touch, feel, try on, put back, sigh, smile, go to another store, circle, close in, back off, touch, feel,... It’s a ritual. They drag it out and enjoy every last shopping moment they can squeeze from the buying experience. And what's more, they like to do it in groups!

One more thing. Shopping can be exhausting. My girlfriend traps me in a men's store and will pile up no less than fourteen pairs of pants and twelve shirts on me and say, "Go try them on." Now, I know exactly what size I wear. I know that if I buy a 28x30, the length is too long, but wearable. But no, I must try them on. Why? Happy girlfriend, happy life. I knew there was no decent way to get out of this so I hurried through them in the dressing room. I used to say, "I'll buy these pants" to her after the first pair I tried on hoping I wouldn't have to go through the rest. It didn't work. She just pointed a stern finger at the dressing room and off I went. I just look at it this way. I had to put up with her if I wanted to win her. I did. It worked.

Here’s another thing…communication.

Have you ever gotten the silent treatment? Boy, do I hate that. You know, your driving along and she’s with me and the sky is blue, the birds are singing, the radio is on, everything is fine. You hum along with Rascal Flatts and look over at her. She has her arms folded, a scowl pasted on her face, and she is looking stiffly straight ahead.

"What's wrong?" I inquire.

Silence

"Uhhhh, was it something I said?"

Silence

"Something I did…buttercup?"

Silence


"Something I didn't say?"

Silence


"Something I didn't do?"

Silence

Now, I don't mind having a spat or two as long as I know what I am arguing about. That way I can defend myself and accuse her appropriately. But what do you do when she doesn't say or do anything? Just wait! Who knows what the problem is. Don't try to figure it out. Just give her time to see the error of her ways and open up to you. It’s the only decent thing to do. Turn up the radio and start humming along again. It'll drive her insane in less than a minute. That way she will either yell at you or punch you in the arm. Either way she's communicating.

So there you have it, a chapter in the life of me and my best friend and girfriend. As you can see it is a complicated and messy business and will take a lot of effort and sacrifice. However, it’ll be the ride of your life-one definitely worth taking.